Families Matter/Family Matters, Family Drug Support Day 2020 Edition!

Families Matter/Family Matters Family Drug Support Day 2020 Edition!

Welcome to the February 2020 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter, our new blog authored and curated by FSDP’s Guest Blogger–pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate and author Dee-Dee Stout.

cactus

“No one has ever hated themselves into being a better f***ing person.”

— Vinny Ferraro, Co-Founder of DharmaPunx

Tough love.  It isn’t a new phrase; it’s also one that we’ve discussed here before.  But it felt like it was time to return to this still too often-used phrase as we celebrate International Family Support Day on February 24th and honor those who have died – and those who have survived as well as those who struggle still – and brought us here.  And I hope you’ll bear with me if I repeat myself in this piece though I’m hoping to discuss some new points too since it’s been nearly two years since I wrote the original blog on tough love (that 2-part blog can be found here from Summer 2018).  Thanks in advance as always!

I recently came across the quote I used at the top of this blog.  And I fell in love with it!  After all, isn’t this the point?  I mean, we professionals have been saying that “tough love” is necessary because it’s necessary to hold people responsible for their actions, to make them a better – more mature – person.  In reality, first of all, tough love has nothing to do with love.  We can certainly say that sometimes loving someone is tough, or that we need to have alternatives or options (some call these “boundaries” which is OK though I’d argue that this word has been co-opted by us professionals, like “enabling”, and now is just another over-used phrase designed to shame people who use drugs or other less socially-acceptable behaviors) to have relationships with many of our loved ones, whether they’re using drugs or not.  That’s simply a way to have healthier relationships in general.  And there’s no absolute right or wrong here either which is tough.  Simple binaries are so much easier!  I also fully appreciate that saying to ourselves, “I need to have boundaries!” seems to be the right thing to do or say especially when we’re talking about people we love who have also left us feeling exhausted and worse when trying to find a way to have a relationship with them that doesn’t also kill us.  I’ll only say one more thing about why I find this concept of boundaries a mistake:  when I say “I need to have boundaries” I’m usually focusing on the negative, what I won’t do for you versus looking at options, or what I am willing to do (I’ll give some specific examples of how to provide options later in this piece).   I also need to say upfront that my suggestions may not be right for you and your family; only you can make that decision.  That doesn’t make my ideas right or wrong, just simply not a good fit for you.  That’s OK.  In fact, it’s good that you know what’s best for your situation – what’s doable – for your family. This leads us to what drug treatment (or any professional help) needs to be for individuals and the rest of their family members:  individualized.  And that means just that – no manuals designed to fit anyone; no experts on what works; no rights-or-wrongs for everyone.  Just deep listening to people to help them determine a what’s-best-for-them-right-now, one possible course of action.  And I do mean “one possible course” as we all also need to be flexible because the only constant in life is that all things change, right?[1]

When dealing with someone who is using drugs in a less than healthy way (yes there are healthy ways to use any drug), here are a few ideas we harm reduction professionals suggest to improve conversations with members of our families who use drugs in a less healthy, problematic way.

  1. Breathe!  I know this sounds silly but I’m not kidding.  When humans get stressed out, one of the first things that happens physiologically is that we start to do more shallow breathing. It’s part of our instinctive and protective stress response system (think, “there’s a Saber-toothed Tiger out there waiting to eat me!”).  But we can learn to override that instinctiveness by practicing some simple breathing techniques when things are going well or are calm (doesn’t help to practice when things are stressed if you haven’t already figured that out ).  Here’s a simple one that I try to teach all my clients:

Breathe in deeply through your nose, hold for a moment,

then exhale through your mouth.  Repeat this at least 5 times

and each time practice lowering your shoulders

and relaxing your facial muscles, arms, and legs.

Note: If you’re still stressed, try adding this:  rub your hands together briskly until they get warm (when our hands are warm it fools our body for a moment into thinking it’s more relaxed.  That’s why folks are more relaxed at the beach, for example, in the sunshine than in the cold and rain).  Then repeat the above again until you’ve relaxed.  Please remember we’re not going for complete relaxation as that wouldn’t honor the reason you’re stressed in the first place (maybe you really do need to be afraid even if it’s not of a tiger).  Rather, try to go for stress-less.

  1. Don’t freak out. When we discuss our loved ones using drugs – especially kids/young people – (and please remember I mean ALL drugs including alcohol and tobacco), we tend to lose it.  And that’s understandable because we’re scared for our loved ones.  Sometimes literally scared for their lives.  So, here’s another to look at their drug use.  First of all, it can be helpful to remind ourselves that most people, some 80-90%, “mature out” of using drugs problematically as other things in life become more important (such as a job, or other responsibilities of life). This typically happens by age 25-30 for most people.  Secondly, ask yourself, “Would I be this upset/scared/angry, etc if they were snowboarding, or hang gliding, or driving race cars?”  In other words, try putting their drug use into the same mental category as any number of other risky behaviors that society usually tolerates or even praises.  Got it?  Good!  Now I’m not suggesting that there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.  No one has a crystal ball to see the future so we’re all guessing on this one. I just want to be sure that our emotional state is in proportion to the actual risk of the behavior, not our belief around whether drugs are good or bad (they’re neither as they are inanimate things which aren’t capable of such thoughts), or that any drug use is a risk for addiction (it’s not).  Perhaps it would surprise you to know that in the midst of an opiate crisis in many parts of our country, more parents call drug/addiction help lines scared for their child’s use of cannabis than any other drug, even though it’s now legal in many states[2].  While I certainly appreciate the concern, I’m more concerned generally about young peoples’ use of alcohol than any other drug including opiates (though again this all depends on the individual and even the area/State they live in).  As of 2019, 88,000 people died from alcohol-related illnesses.  This makes alcohol misuse the 3rd leading cause of preventable death in the US.[3]  However, when it comes to adolescents, I realize that their deaths from alcohol and/or tobacco will likely come later in life so we tend to dismiss it (for now) and focus more heavily on opiate misuse (and with some good reasons of late).  However, binge drinking is common amongst youth – especially on college campuses – and may lead to not only alcohol poisoning (which can be fatal) but also to impaired thinking regarding driving safely, sexual encounters, suicide risk, and more.  It’s not that opiates aren’t a problem; we just need to not forget about alcohol’s misuse – and other drugs – when we discuss problematic opiate use.
  1. Talk first. So many people I work with come to me with all sorts of reasonable concerns about a loved one’s behavior.  When I ask, “And how has your loved one responded to your concerns?” all too often I hear, “Well I haven’t brought it up; I’m afraid they’ll get upset with me.” Many parents will even ask me questions about a session I had with their child even when the child is in the room with us all.  I’m not judging these parents at all.  I’m simply saying that instead of practicing tough love, where we need to “toughen up” is on ourselves, to be willing to have these difficult conversations with those we love.  And with groups like Family Drug Support, CRAFT, and SMART Recovery for Families, we have better ways to learn to communicate with each other and especially with loved ones whose behaviors are scaring the bejesus out of us.  To provide an example from my own life, I recently had occasion to have such a difficult conversation with my son Jesse and daughter-in-law Cristina.  Bless her for her willingness to be the facilitator as it’s always more challenging to do so with your own family!  We spent several hours all total (which I normally don’t suggest, BTW) and here’s a few ideas on how we did our “challenging conversation” (and please, this isn’t shared to compare or to suggest you should things this way but rather to simply demonstrate how ours went as an example.  And my points are on reflection too, not what we’d purposefully laid out first though I’ll certainly hope this deconstruction may be of help to others as well as ourselves for our next conversation):
  • Warm up: We’d already talked by phone and decided that we’d have a first conversation when I came to Los Angeles (LA).  But Jesse also asked that we do something relaxing and interesting to us all beforehand.  For us that was a trip to Pasadena to the Huntington Gardens[4].  Jesse and I had been there when we lived in LA when he was a teen but that was a long time ago.  As they’re preparing to landscape their (mostly) reno’d LA home, this was something that we could do together, in public, that had a secondary purpose (relaxation) and was in a neutral place.  So, I guess you could describe this as a “safer environment” to ‘warm up’ for the later conversation we’d agreed to have (I’m now thinking of this as similar to warming up one’s muscles prior to a challenging work out).
  • Ask for help. Second, we had someone outside the family of origin facilitating.  Again, I’m in debt to my daughter in law for her taking on this role.  While she’s certainly part of the family (and has been for 5 years now) and has been witness to some of the tensions between Jesse and I, she has not been around since the start of those tensions nor been a part of them.  This is also where professionals can be helpful as long as they don’t have an agenda beyond enabling your conversation in as safe an environment as possible.  We had discussed (and contacted) a couple of professionals to possibly help us with this conversation but found for our schedules, it just wasn’t feasible (we had to reschedule my visit 3 times as it was due to all our schedule changes and this was my own last opportunity to go down to LA for several months).
  • Be realistic. Realize that everything is not going to be fixed nor all discussion concluded after this talk.  We left the conversation acknowledging that more work needed to be done, with each of us having items to individually work on.  While we didn’t set a specific date to return to this (again, schedules!), we did say it would generally be within the next 6 months.  That was more realistic for us than setting an actual date right then.  Being realistic AND committing to getting back to the conversation is better than trying to force everyone into something.  We also all needed some time to decompress and think about the conversation we’d just had.  It was very emotional and a real challenge to have -and we did it anyway.  We are all capable of doing hard things, especially when we know we’re not alone and we’re loved by the people we’re talking to!

And what could we have done better? One place we will improve for next time is on limiting the time for the conversation.  I believe we went too long.  We were all exhausted afterwards, had difficulty listening deeply by the end, and were a little more apt to take things personally as a result. I usually advise families when having family conversations to limit it to no more than an hour at a time, and sometimes even shorter.  I also suggest limiting the topic to one or 2 at the most.  It’s better to discuss one thing well in 15 minutes than to try to fit everything in that you’ve been wanting to discuss (sometimes for years by this point) in an hour or more.  While the sentiment is appreciated, in reality it often becomes overwhelming to everyone.  And this feeling can be dangerous for those of us who use drugs problematically since if the conversations becomes too great of a stressor, we will be tempted to turn to drugs to alleviate some of those uncomfortable feelings.  Folks have even been known to overdose at times like this (this is also a usual occurrence in 12-Step fellowships after members do their “4th Step”[5] for instance.  More on that another time) due to using more than usual as their heart rate and breathing are increased along with other events.[6]

flower2

4. The Bouquet of Options. In the book Motivational Interviewing[7], Drs. William Miller & Stephen Rollnick describe offering clients a “bouquet of options” regarding behavior change.  Think of this as a buffet not a prix fixe dinner.  So in families, the challenge is to come up with alternatives to tough love.  I love to say to clients, “OK so I know what you’re NOT willing to talk about/change, which leaves me curious about what you ARE willing to discuss/change at this point.”   It’s the same in families.  Maybe you can’t let your loved one live in your home anymore. I get it.  So what CAN you do?  The statement to your loved one might be something like this: “Your mother/father/whomever and I love you very much and we really want you to know that.  And we know that you’re doing the best you can right now & that you’re much more than a drug user!  We are going to need you to find another place to live right now because we’re just not OK with illegal drugs being in the house.  But, we’d be happy/delighted/willing to help you find somewhere else to live because we want you – all of us – to be as safe as possible.  Would that be helpful? Or perhaps there’s something else you can think of that would be helpful that we can discuss?” The idea is to state your love first (possibly including that you do see your loved one as more than their behavior, no matter what that behavior is), that you appreciate their use of drugs is complicated and with reason(s), and that some specific behavior is making you or others feel less safe and so can’t continue.  Then you offer an idea of what you ARE willing to do and suggest that you’re willing to negotiate other options as well.  This does NOT mean that you are obliged to do whatever they ask; your obligation is simply to listen.  And sometimes this approach doesn’t work.  However, in my experience, family members generally feel better with this approach both about how they interacted with their loved one and that they had more to offer them than simply to say “no” or threaten.  This approach also leaves the door open for everyone to bring new ideas back to the table.

donald

5. Love smarter. This is probably the biggest takeaway from all our conversations on Facebook and in general at FSDP and Family Drug Support[8].  I’ve often advised my training attendees and students to “work smarter not harder” (thank you to the cartoon character Uncle Scrooge McDuck, who was the first one I ever heard say this phrase).  And this will mean different things in different environments, absolutely.   For me, in part, it means speaking up about things that others do that hurt me or that I don’t like.   But it also means stopping for a moment to consider that, if they’re an adult, I don’t need to like everything my loved one decides to do, whether that’s drug use or not going to college.  So then the conversation with myself is “how do I love this person and show that AND disagree with some of their life choices?” Frankly, it’s easier to just cut people off.  Any alternative to tough love takes hard work, conversation, and may still turn out badly.  There simply are no guarantees in life (except death),

“It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose.  That’s called life.”

—Sir Patrick Steward as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek TNG

And so, on this International Family Support Day 2020, I hope you’re finding some options for you and your loved ones whatever behaviors/changes you all are trying to make!  And if I may, I’d like to remind us all that trying is doing – something.  It’s also in the trying that all long-term change begins so let’s all try more!  We’ll pick up more on that idea in the Spring Edition.  Cheers!

Dee-Dee

www.deedeestoutconsulting.com

All photos courtesy of unsplash.com

 

[1] Paraphrased from Heraclitus, Greek philosopher. https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/heraclitus/

[2] In part this is due to the false claim we as a country made many years ago that marijuana is a “gateway” drug.  This research was found to be flawed and we have since retracted this claim though many people are not aware of that. Here’s one source but there are many:  https://www.drugpolicy.org/sites/default/files/DebunkingGatewayMyth_NY_0.pdf

[3] Accessed 2.12.20:  https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/alcohol-facts-and-statistics

[4] https://www.huntington.org//

[5] Step Four in AA is “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”  This is often followed immediately with Step Five, “Admitted to God, ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (1987ed), AA World Services. NYC.

[6] “Drug, Set, Setting” (1986) by Dr. Norman Zinberg, MD discusses this concept and more.

[7] For more on this evidence-based conversational method, go to https://motivationalinterviewing.org/

[8] https://www.fds.org.au/about-us

Thank You For Making International Family Drug Support Day a Rousing Success!!

Image

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

Families for Sensible Drug Policy is privileged once again, to stand in solidarity with our global partners to commemorate International Family Drug Support Day (IFDSD) 2019!

Image

Our events this year reflected a long awaited milestone, as we celebrated the launch of Family Drug Support, USA by welcoming beloved advocates Tony, Sandra and James to NYC for a SOLD OUT three-day workshop!

Our FSDP family was energized to gather with co-host, harm reduction pioneer, and newest board member, Dr. Andrew Tatarsky, and his team, at the Center for Optimal Living. We delighted in sharing an interactive and dynamic weekend with friends from across the nation, and are excited to bring our communities together, empowering families, restoring health and saving lives.

Image

The weekend was filled with an abundance of light, love and cherished memories! Special bonds were forged and hearts were healed as special moments were shared…connecting, catching up on life or just showing up with a knowing glance, or a warm smile as good friends do.

ImageThe weekend was filled with an abundance of light, love and cherished memories! Special bonds were forged and hearts were healed as special moments were shared…connecting, catching up on life or just showing up with a knowing glance, or a warm smile as good friends do.
ImageImageImage
Image

ImageOur FSDP Guest Blogger, blog-pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate, and author Dee-Dee Stout was in attendance for the highly acclaimed interactive trainings and she shares her musings in the February 2019 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter to encourage our friends around to world to join our global community and make the family voice heard!!

Our broad diversity spanned across many demographics, communities and miles – from the greater NYC area to the suburbs in CT. Our FSDP family came out in support of our imitable friends at VOCAL-NY for a symposium held by the Fordham School of Law on Safe Consumption Spaces. In attendance were stakeholders representing community harm reduction partners, law enforcement and policy makers. Our families shared heartfelt stories of personal loss with the panel and the outpouring of love and connection was inspirational.

Image

 Our members lovingly brought Grandma, Grandpa, and even the family pet together to honor loved ones lost to preventable fatal overdose.

ImageImage

Our advocates gathered for a family photo shoot wearing official FSDP street-wear to let the neighbors know, that when it comes to spreading the message about how harm reduction can #SupportTheFamilyImproveTheOutcome, everyone can help save lives by ending stigma and promoting family centered care.

Image    Image

We even hosted events in rural towns in Austin, TX and North Carolina where friends traveled far and wide to bring families together around naloxone education to #EndOverdose and offer family support without judgment.

Everyone is excited to welcome Family Drug Support, USA and FSDP is looking forward to bringing more communities together in the days to come!

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

Image        Image
The theme this year was #SupportTheFamilyImproveTheOutcome and we hit the ground running on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn to raise awareness with other grassroots organizations and we commemorated the day by spotlighting a wide range of information and supports available while connecting people and organizations to needed services. Our message has reached organizations, partners, and stakeholders worldwide.

Image

Advisory board member Alicia Ventura was instrumental in introducing the holiday to Boston Medical Center, one of the preeminent health care providers in the United States. FSDP partnered with BMC’s Grayken Center for Addiction to introduce Family Drug Support Day to some of the nation’s premier healthcare providers. The Executive Director of the Grayken Center is Michael Botticelli, the Director of National Drug Control Policy at the White House under President Barack Obama.

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

Alicia also created a video to teach healthcare providers about compassionate and affirming family support programs, including Family Drug Support.

Finally, Dr. Andrew Tatarsky joined Zach Rhoads on the Social Exchange podcast to discuss his journey to becoming one of America’s true harm reduction pioneers and founding the Center for Optimal Living.

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

ImageOn March 30, there will be a re-convening of key partners in the launch of Family Drug Support, USA at Dr. Tatarsky’s Center for Optimal Living in New York City, in order to ensure that our families will be able to access life saving harm reduction focused support through the lens of public health and compassion. Stay tuned for updates and thank you for helping to make sure that 2019 is the year that the family voice gets heard!

Sign up HERE to receive our newsletter stay informed on the latest news and events.

In Solidarity and Health,

Your Friends,

Carol, Steve, Rory, Mary Kay,

And Team FSDP

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

Let’s Honor International Family Drug Support Day on February 24!

Welcome to the February 2019 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter, our new blog authored and curated by FSDP’s Guest Blogger–pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate and author Dee-Dee Stout.

IMG_6574

This month, Dee Dee, with her exuberance and energy, explains why International Family Drug Support Day means so much to so many of us… 

Join us in honoring International Family Support Day on February 24, 2019!! Please follow us on Facebook and check out our website at fsdp.org for more information.

Hello everyone and happy 2019!!

I’ve had a remarkably busy start to the New Year as perhaps some of you have as well, meaning there was no blog for January.  My apologies!  As the Lunar/Chinese New Year just passed, it seems a good time to discuss the new partnership between FSDP and Family Drug Support Australia.  Having attended the engaging and insightful training in NYC with Tony Trimingham (www.fds.org.au) at Dr. Andrew Tatarsky’s Center for Optimal Living site, I want to speak about the work of both these organizations as we prepare to commemorate International Family Drug Support Day (2/24).  This date is important to Tony personally as this is the date his own son, Damien, died of a drug-related overdose in 1997 (see https://vimeo.com/249347700 for more from Tony).  Each year Tony and his team have chosen a topic on which to focus.  This year it’s #SUPPORTTHEFAMILYIMPROVETHE OUTCOME.

31 years ago when I began my journey into traditional recovery, there was family support built into the rehab I entered.  There was even a program for my young son, Jesse, though that program was an additional fee.  But the Family Program, which met every Saturday during my treatment stay, was vibrant!  In those days, the family was too often seen as part of the problem however (think “enabler” and “codependent”, labels I would never use today though many professionals still do).  Today we know that family[1] support is crucial to long-lasting change to happen for those with problem alcohol and other drug use.

Families have lacked support in their struggles and in daily living with those they love with problems using drugs (including alcohol).  International Family Support Day is one way to highlight the need for families like outs at FSDP to not only be recognized and heard but also supported and encourage to speak out regarding their concerns and their needs, including the needs of their loved ones with problematic drug use.  One saying that I love is this: “If my family member had died of cancer or heart disease or a car accident, neighbors would be bringing me a casserole.  Not so with addiction.”  We at FSDP say we want to see casseroles!

One of the biggest and fastest growing areas of family work in addictions is the notion that abstinence doesn’t have to be the final goal.  In my world, I call this Harm Reduction Recovery™ (HRR).  Recovery without abstinence is entirely possible but it does require thinking out of the norm!  HRR can be a goal to itself or perhaps it’s a stepping stone on one’s path to abstinence – or something in between.  Families see that the most important first goal is keeping their loved one(s) alive.  That means for many families, requiring that they throw their loved one out when they exhibit the very symptoms we want them to seek treatment for is no longer an option.  As my aunt (who’s taught me a ton about families, addiction, and harm reduction) said, “He’s my child.  I’m not going to be able to sleep at night worried that he’s not only using drugs but now he’s alone on the streets.  I don’t need more to worry about; I need less.”  More and more families are speaking out against easy “solutions” like exiting their loved ones.  They’ve come to the realization that my aunt did:  throwing your loved one out may not be the best solution.  In fact it may increase your own stress and add more trauma to all involved which doesn’t lead to a reduction of drug use.  In fact, it often leads to an increase.  We have learned that the opposite of recovery isn’t harm reduction but rather zero tolerance (and tough love).  And we will NOT enable these concepts to rule us anymore.

Speaking of tough love, refusing to participate in this concept is another area of growth in family addictions work.  We’ve learned through research that many problem drug users are using alcohol and other drugs to soothe trauma(s) they have experienced in life.  Addiction is definitely enabled by, if not always directly caused by, trauma(s).  We also know that having a trauma history can be a barrier to seeking help (lack of trust; fear of others’ judgments; lack of confidence; distrust of healthcare professionals, and more).  Therefore again, if we want our loved ones to seek help, we must be willing to reduce/do away with as many barriers as possible.  Demanding abstinence can be a huge barrier; insisting that problem drug users “hit bottom” is a re-traumatization which also increases barriers.  Families are converging and demanding better for their dollars from rehab providers and other professionals.  We at FSDP are behind them all the way!

Families for Sensible Drug Policy (or FSDP) was founded by Barry Lessin, a therapist working in the addictions field, and Carol Katz Beyer, a mom who lost 2 of her 3 young adult sons to drug-related overdoses.  She knows a thing or two about what it’s like to change your approach to drug treatment/rehab and drug users!  As we head into International Family Drug Support Day (IFDSD), here are a few things Carol and the gang at FSDP want you to know about this special day:

The objectives of IFDSD are to:

  • Reduce stigma and discrimination for families and drug users (bring on the casseroles!)
  • Promote family drug support services for families and friends (all treatment needs to include all players)
  • Promote harm reduction strategies for families and friends (no more tough love or zero tolerance)

In addition, the following issues will be highlighted around the world by all participating in this event:

  • Establishing the important role of FDS and FSDP volunteers in providing family support in the US, Australia, and the world
  • Reducing fatal and non­fatal overdoses from drugs including pharmaceuticals
  • Promoting the widespread availability of naloxone
  • Promoting greater inclusion of family members in the decision-making process for families experiencing problematic drug use
  • Promoting greater support and resources for treatment services for those who want it and need it – and appropriate alternatives for those not yet ready

For more on what you can do in your area – or if you have an idea of your own – please contact Carol Katz Beyer at carol@fsdp.org.

The take-away:  please join us this year on February 24 to honor International Family Drug  Support Day in any way that feels right to you.  I’ll be lighting my candle that night for all those using drugs problematically and their families of chance and/or choice, as well as those lost to this complicated condition we call “addiction”.  I’ll also be saying a “thank you” to my son, Jesse Lee, my late former husband (Bob) and my late in-laws (Rhett & Faren) for their constant, unconditional love and support while I developed a path to recover me.  I’m also lighting my candle for my friends who were with me in the beginning and those who are with me now and those who will be with me in the future.  Without them all, I would not be here and for that, I will always be grateful and will continue to work for the voice of all in addiction to be heard and honored. Support the Family, Change the Outcome.  It’s a recovery revolution and the time is now.

[1] Let me define “family” here:  One type is the family you’re born into which I call your “family of chance.”  The other is the one you create which I call your “family of choice.”  Sometimes they are the same of course.  The important point is that you need not have a “family of chance” present, but you must have a family of choice then.  All humans need community in some form as we are social beings.  How much and what kind is up to the individual.

HandDonate

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!