Families Matter/Family Matters February 2020 Blog Dee-Dee Stout, MA

Families Matter/Family Matters February 2020 Edition!

Welcome to the February 2020 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter, our new blog authored and curated by FSDP’s Guest Blogger–pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate and author Dee-Dee Stout.

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Good enough.  I don’t know about all of you, but I stopped making New Year’s resolutions years ago.  For me at least, they seemed just another way that I was saying to myself, “you’re not good enough”.  And of course, we know how poor the outcomes are for those resolutions: according to one survey, only 8% of us follow through and successfully complete out resolutions[1]. Ouch!  However, this doesn’t mean I don’t have goals, or as I’m calling them now “a direction I’m headed right now.”  Yes, it’s more cumbersome but it lands better on me.  So what direction am I headed in 2020?  The Land of Good Enough.  And I’m not talking only in actions but mostly about getting OK with being “good enough” in all areas of my life.  This may not sound very challenging but it sure is to me – and apparently also to several others with whom I’ve mentioned this topic.  And why is that?  Well, that’s part of what we’re going to explore in this New Decade’s Family Matters/Families Matter blog.

2020 is perched on a precipice of many important as well as disastrous moments in our lives:  climate crises (now occurring horribly in Australia as I write this); elections including the Presidential this fall; racial & faith killings; further drug use crises & legalizations of (more) psychedelics; the coronavirus outbreak, and more.  So how does this concept of “good enough” help us through these and other challenges?  Let’s find out together.

I can’t recall when or where I first heard the phrase “good enough” but I’m pretty certain it was in something I was reading related to parenting.  The general idea was that we are all unable to be perfect parents so perhaps embracing the concept of simply being “good enough” would be a positive move.  Think of this as “harm reduction parenting”! Somehow, the author seemed to be saying, we need to let go of the need to be perfect parents as this is utterly unattainable anyhow.  So what if we looked at that in relation to other areas of or lives too?  Perhaps it’s due to my age now but I’m exhausted from trying to please everyone else:  parents, children, students, even clients sometimes.  And I don’t mean to suggest that embracing “good enough” means I am giving up on gaining new skills or learning.  Not at all.  To me, accepting I am “good enough” is the only way to make change.  It was the brilliant psychotherapist and theorist Carl Rogers who said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.[2]

This is true of us in recovery especially.  If I can only see what needs to change, I will get overwhelmed at the huge task in front of me.  That will likely lead me to feel more stressed out which will likely lead me to increase my use of those old habits/behaviors that are causing me & others pain.  It’s a vicious cycle.  Where I think we get terribly confused is in the word “acceptance”.  We seem to think that if we accept where we or someone else is, it means I agree with the behavior, that somehow I’m saying, “sure keep on doing what you’re doing; it’s ok with me!”  Nothing could be further from the truth.  The truth is we humans aren’t terribly adept at holding two competing ideas at the same time, what some consider to be the definition of “critical thinking.”

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

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I’m working with a family right now (the parents and the son) who’s oldest son has struggled with chaotic drug use for some time.  After hundreds of thousands of dollars spent, numerous types of treatment (some truly terrible, they now understand) and countless hours with me, things seemed to be in a pretty good place.  Then the bottom fell out:  he overdosed.  Thanks to Narcan, he is alive. Things went well again for a brief period and then again, his drug use got out of control.

In another family, the son did well this semester only to suddenly drop out this semester.  The had tried a new therapy and was really hopeful even after more trials of medications than either of us can count in the past 5 years.  But now, with yet another “failed” attempt, his depression has returned.

These are familiar stories to most of the families I work with and hear from, but also from their loved ones chaotically using substances.  It’s tempting to get angry and frustrated, or to even want to quit trying (me too as I’m also human!).  But what we really all need to focus more deeply on in scenarios such as these is that we’re all doing the best we can in some pretty awful circumstances.  And we definitely need to have more compassion for each other, along with some ‘radical acceptance’ of the reality of all our unique circumstances.

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” according to the book jacket of Tara Brach’s remarkable book, “Radical Acceptance.”  She goes on to discuss the trap of our habits that often occurs, calling it “the trance of unworthiness.” I love that idea:  I’m in a trance and that’s why I’m having such a hard time making a change!  And after all, if I’m not worthy of change, why should I bother?  I know that’s how I felt during my 2 decades of troubled drug use.  And I had lots of people around me in their own trance unable to see me as anything but a damn drug addict.   It wasn’t until I had people who deeply believed in me and my ability to make change – and managed to get my own tiny amount of acceptance of where I was – that I was able to begin to recover from a lifetime of pain.  It wasn’t quick nor without pain but I wasn’t alone and I had purpose in my life again.  So how do we start this practice of self-acceptance?  There are several ways of course and I encourage you to seek one or more that feels good to you.  One that I’ve just become aware of and use myself as well as with clients is something fairly new called “Mindful Self-Compassion.[3]

“Mindful Self-Compassion” is a way to “[learn] to embrace yourself and your imperfections [and] gives you the resilience needed to thrive.”[4]  Why do so many of us have such a difficult time loving ourselves?  I suspect much of this comes from our false belief that loving oneself means thinking we’re perfect or better than others.  Or perhaps it comes from the seemingly nearly universal idea that if we’re loving ourselves, we’re self-centered or selfish.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  Self-compassion, according to Neff & Germer, has none of these traits.  And in fact, they argue that if we can’t learn to love ourselves compassionately, we also can’t do so for others.  It’s also just good for us: “Individuals who are more self-compassionate tend to have greater happiness, life satisfaction, and motivation, better relationships and physical health, and less anxiety and depression.  They also have the resilience needed to cope with stressful life events such as divorce, health crises, academic failure, even combat trauma.”[5]  We don’t have the research yet but I’d say it’s safe to assume that cultivating mindful self-compassion would also lead to better parenting and possibly even reduce the need for medicating ourselves so much (for me the term “medication” includes prescription drugs as well as illegal substances used problematically).

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So how does this translate in relationships to others?  Neff & Germer believe that there are “2 types of relational pain:  connection, when…people we love are suffering, and disconnection, when we experience loss of rejection and feel hurt, angry or alone.”[6]  They believe that we are each responsible in part for each other’s emotional states, which they call “emotional contagion.”  This of course flies right in the face of those of us taught that we are ONLY responsible for our own emotions and NEVER for others (they are responsible for their own feelings).  Perhaps we got that one wrong?  In the meantime, let me share with you my favorite brief meditation that I’ve used for more than 20 years.  It is in the lovingkindness tradition so fits with our discussion of Mindful Self-Compassion and can be used as way to take a “Self-Compassion Break”[7] the next time you find yourself upset with someone, including yourself:

With your eyes open or closed, in any position you are in though sitting is generally thought best (but I use this walking & even while driving).  Repeat the phrase below 3 times and between those repetitions, breathe deeply in through your nose (holding briefly) and exhale through your mouth.

[8]May I be filled with lovingkindness

May I be well

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be happy*

(*A suggested substitution here if you find “happy” to be too uncomfortable or challenging right now, use the word “kind to myself.”)

lovewhoyouare

Now I’m not going to suggest that these ideas of radical acceptance and mindful self-compassion are easy for most of us to attain.  I’m constantly practicing these concepts.  But I do best when I’m able to accept where I am and appreciate that I’m doing the best I can right now:  sometimes that’s great and other times, I struggle frankly.  What I’ve learned in my 6-decades plus of life is that I’m not alone and if I keep actively working on these notions of mindfulness and self-acceptance/compassion, I am able to feel like I really am “good enough” some days.  And that’s definitely a positive change.  That also seems like a “good enough” place to begin for this New Decade.  Join me.

 

Happy 2020!

DD

deedeestoutconsutling@gmail.com

www.deedeestoutconsulting.com

 

 

All images courtesy of unsplash.com

[1] https://finance.yahoo.com/news/many-people-actually-stick-resolutions-214812821.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAIQ_LjZjZKDh5IS6cLk99vcJy7ccHqZ-nekHQEYlSjWWoodJzCrPYCVy7agi8zV5u3IVgQg5iPY6qFzA1hSTjukhnAktz9jeKj0oyFWxWJfYMsEuBzoxmTPGK-BcMOcyR-AkIAEtkDnCed8TB99shKGMRrvI94ZXibZZpXhG20n8.  Accessed 1.23.2020.

[2] From “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach. Bantam Dell, 2003. P24.

[3] “The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook”.  Kristin Neff, PhD & Christopher Germer, PhD.  The Guilford Press, NY.  2018.

[4] Ibid. p1.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Ibid. p130.

[7] Ibid. p34.

[8] From “A Path with Heart” by Jack Kornfield. Bantam Books, 1993. Jack Kornfield is the co-founder of Spirit Rock in Marin County, CA. www.spiritrock.org.

JOIN US for Beyond Binary: Rethinking Cannabis and Solutions to the Overdose Crisis!

⏰ Friends in the NYC area, SAVE THE DATE for Beyond Binary: Rethinking Cannabis and Solutions to the Overdose Crisis!

beyondbinary

Tue, November 26, 2019
1:30 PM – 4:00 PM EST

Brooklyn Law School
205 State Street
Brooklyn, NY 11201

Please JOIN US for a not-to-be-missed, illuminating and thought-provoking afternoon at Brooklyn Law School with Harry Nelson, the nation’s leading healthcare attorney and the author of “The United States of Opioids: A Prescription for Liberating a Nation in Pain”; award-winning neuroscience journalist and the author of “Unbroken Brain,” Maia Szalavitz; and harm reduction pioneer, Joseph Turner, the President/CEO and Co-Founder of Exponents!

Our featured experts will explore the interwoven topics of how approaches to the Overdose Crisis are informed by cannabis reform, and the ongoing evolution of policy. The event is FREE and SEATS ARE LIMITED. (Refreshments and snacks will be served!) Sign up now!

Repping the Family Voice at DPA’s Reform Conference!

What:  Repping the Family Voice at DPA’s Reform Conference!

When: November 6-9, 2019
Where: St. Louis, MO
http://www.reformconference.org/
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Why: Families for Sensible Drug Policy will be repping the family voice at Drug Policy Alliance’s Reform conference! Carol Katz Beyer and FSDP Secretary-Treasurer Rory Fleming will both be present to speak to harm reduction advocates across the nation and world about our innovative programs like Family Drug Support! We will also be attending to meet with other Open Society Foundations grantees for an upcoming push in New Jersey to replace tough love approaches with evidence-based public health endeavors and compassionate policies.

Rally to Demand Cuomo Apologize, Sign Lifesaving Bill!

What:  Rally to Demand Cuomo Apologize, Sign Lifesaving Bill!

When: Tuesday, 10/29 @ 11:30  
Where: Cuomo’s NYC Office- 633 3rd Ave (meet at Plaza across the street)
Trains: 4/5/6 to Grand Central   
Why:
Last Tuesday, the harm reduction community held a rally in response to Governor Cuomo’s stalling on signing this lifesaving legislation–the only overdose prevention bill for low-income NYers that passed last session, and with bipartisan support at that. In response to our rally, Cuomo’s Senior Advisor and spokesperson said, “I’ll put this administration’s record of fighting the opioid epidemic against anyone else’s. Spare me the rantings of the Advocacy Industrial Complex and whomever funds them.” 
 
Coalition partners, family members from across the state, and our member-leaders found these statements to be tone-deaf, spitting in the face of the grief and anger we unite around to end this crisis. In response to these statements from the Governor’s office and his continued inaction on signing the bill that would expand access to lifesaving treatment, we are all returning to his office to DEMAND AN APOLOGY THROUGH HIS SIGNATURE ON THE BILL
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Spring and the Cycles of Change!

Welcome to the Spring 2019 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter, our new blog authored and curated by FSDP’s Guest Blogger–pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate and author Dee-Dee Stout.
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I have been a Star Trek geek for as long as I can remember.  This infatuation even rubbed off on my son who designed the current World Tour stage for the multi-award- winning mega-band Muse to be shaped like a Klingon Bird of Prey[1].  I never quite understood my fascination with all things alien, watching the new Star Trek Discovery series week after week in tears.  Really??  Crying over a TV show, and a sci-fi show no less??    Well, after some 50 years of dedication and fanaticism, I think I figured it out:

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To borrow a phrase:  it’s the future, stupid.  The past is finished, complete, even if I do mine it reasonably often, still attempting to understand things as they unfolded oh so long ago. There is wisdom that has come from that exercise as well as some futility.  But it’s the future that really does it for me, makes me weak-in-the-knees excited & emotional all at once, like the old roller coaster The Big Dipper in Santa Cruz does every time I ride her.  And the relationships, the dedication, the incredible sacrifice and love emanating through every episode brings my heart into my throat with regularity.  That all makes me desire to keep going – which some days is a monumental feat I will admit briefly – as I see real possibility for us all, the Human Race.  And besides, if a Vulcan can ask for forgiveness (Sarek, in Part 1 of the second season’s finale) who am I to not give such a gift to myself and my families:  both the one of chance and the one of choice?  It appears this is the work of my future, the work of ‘Change to Come’.

And so we’re onto Change for this month’s blog.  And here’s where I’ll begin…

change

Change is about leaving what we know behind, jumping into the abyss of the unknown just as a starship jumps into warp drive.  Never knowing what’s on the other side should be exhilarating for me (Remember? Rollercoaster lover?) and yet it’s always filled me with fear & uneasiness.  I’m still here though, alive – as are many others who shouldn’t be – and that’s all due to this thing called Change and those who have ridden this wave with us all.

“Most people never get a chance to learn what’s in their own hearts.  If we figure it out it’s often not what we expected, or even what we would have chosen for ourselves.” 

—Capt. Christopher Pike, 2019; Star Trek Discovery, episode 13

What’s in my heart?  I wondered when hearing this line of dialogue.  As so many others have too, I have studied several religions at various points in my life. My first exposure was as a child when I was baptized in the Congregational church of my maternal grandparents, and then as a grade school-age youngster in my family’s home (in Midland, MI) at the United Church of Christ (UCC) which they helped to build.  I am proud of the heritage of the UCC as a church of social justice and inclusivity.  Even at the height of my drug use, my minister refused my mother’s request that I not be allowed to attend nor teach at the church.  He believed in me and the idea that Change could only happen in a place of love & inclusion.  He also preached that God was not something outside of ourselves but rather inside of each and every living thing.  Finally, he told us that our church was about ‘accepting the unacceptable’ of society (that belief is partly what drew me early on to helping problem drug users ironically).  I also recall as a teen wishing to become Catholic as I saw many of my drug using friends able to attend confession each week which they believed absolved them of their “bad behavior” as well as allowed them to repeat it the following week.  To me, it simply appeared that Change for them was easy[2] – and I was jealous.

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In the pagan Wiccan traditions, every season brings Change of a new variety.  As we leave April and head into May, the Wiccan calendar moves to celebrate the festival of Beltane.  This date is also known more commonly as May Day.  It is a time for birth and renewal:  pastel colored eggs to signify fertility; a Maypole around which songs are sung while long ribbons twirl while celebrants dance around the phallic symbol of the pole, and rituals around fertility, crop blessings, and romance abound.  After a long hard Winter, Spring brought promise to our ancient people’s here; a promise from someone, somewhere, that they had not been abandoned nor forgotten.

I see Change as a promise to us too:  a promise that no matter what, nothing will ever remain the same; all will be well; don’t worry, be happy!  Within addiction, this is ultimately the challenge as there often seems little to be happy about when things turn bad.  When I was using drugs problematically, I see now that a good part of my reasoning was to keep things the same, status quo.  That provided me with ritual, some strange stability, and again ironically, a sense that I always knew what to expect.  As a person with a history of trauma, I yearned for something to keep me centered, something expected.  It’s also what kept me in violent/abusive relationships.  I recall saying out loud finally that I understood that “to know something – even something violent – was better than leaping into the unknown.”  Some people believe that those of us who remain in these violent relationships do so because they’re comfortable, that we become comfortable with the abuse.  I disagree. I say we become familiar with it and that’s the point:  it is better to stay with what we know v be so terrified that Change could be worse.  That’s how frightened we often are of Change.  IT is the enemy.  It is the same with addiction:  fear of Change can keep us from trying something new.

peter

And this leads me to the topic of families and the people they love who problematically use drugs.  We all resist change to some degree.  To some degree we would rather stay in the status quo, in the familiar, than take a risk into the unknown – “to go where no one has gone before” – or perhaps we’d simply prefer that someone else makes the Change and not us.  But this isn’t how Change works!

Recently a post from my dear friend and colleague Andrew Tatarsky[3] (Board member at FSDP) came through my Facebook feed, which Andy had reposted from a colleague apparently having a conversation with Dr. Gabor Mate, the renowned trauma & addiction expert and author.  Much like my beloved Star Trek it, too, has left me in tears each time I read it.  I hesitate to repost this dialogue here for fear of offending people reading this blog.  But I am going to take that chance and hope you will hear the hope and joy and see the “Way Out” – as our Brit neighbors wittily call an exit – as I unexpectedly did after reading it. Bring the hankies.  Here goes:

“We weren’t quite finished yet. I wanted to know about family members who are dealing with addiction. What can they do for a loved one who’s caught in the grips of active addiction? Because when people are that deep in addiction, they’ve lost themselves—they’re gone in a way. I know I was. I know there was nothing my family could have done no matter how much they wanted to.”

Gabor didn’t agree with me. “You don’t know that. What you do know is what they tried didn’t work, but you don’t know that there’s nothing they could have done. In one sense, you are 100 percent right: There’s nothing they can directly do to change your mind. There’s nothing they can directly do to change your mental status. There’s no way that they can talk to you, advise you, control you, beg you, accuse you. That does not mean there’s nothing they could have done. Imagine if your family had come and said, ‘Chris, here’s how it is. We recognize that your addiction is not your primary problem. Your primary problem is that you’re in a lot of pain. And that pain is not yours alone. That pain has been carried in our family for generations. And we’re as much a part of that pain as you are. You’re just the one who’s soothing it with that behavior. In fact, you’re the one whose behavior shows us how much pain there is in our family. Thank you for showing that to us. So we’re going to start working on you, because we realize that we’re as much a part of it as you are. We’re going to take on the task of healing ourselves. We invite you to be there if you feel like it. And if you’re not ready, sweetheart, then just do what you need to do right now.”

“Families also have to decide, can I have this person in my life, or can I not? If I want them in my life, there must be certain rules, like they can’t steal from me and so on, but if I can have them in my life, I must accept them exactly as they are, exactly where they’re at, and 100 percent accept that right now they’re using because they feel they need to. I’m not going to nag them, cajole them, advise them. I’m not going to say a thing that they didn’t ask me about. I’m just going to accept that this is who they are and I’m just going to love them. That’s a rational decision to make. It’s equally rational to say, ‘You know what? It’s too painful for me. I can’t handle it. I can’t stand to see you do this to yourself. It’s too stressful. I can’t be with that, so I’m sorry, I love you very much, but I can’t be with you.’ That’s legitimate, too.”

“What is completely nonsensical—and unfortunately the pitfall for most families—is to try to be in the addict’s life and try to change them all the time. That’s the one thing you cannot do. So either accept or lovingly distance yourself, but don’t try to stay in there with the intent of altering the other person. To the addict, that signals only one thing: ‘They don’t love me the way I am.’ That’s my advice to families. I do believe that addiction in a person can be a healthy wake-up call for them and for everyone in their lives.” — Dr. Gabor Maté, Dead Set On Living

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Change, especially when we look at addiction(s), sure isn’t linear; not even close.  In fact, even the theorists behind the Stages of Change[4] now use a spiral model[5] rather than their traditional wheel.  Me?  I’ve always seen Change more like a pinball machine, and I’m no wizard:  you know, one minute you’re over here, the next down there, and a moment later, ding, ding, ding!  It’s unknowable, it’s exciting, and it’s scary as hell.  That’s the Change I know…and I am finally just beginning to like Change rather than fear and respect it like an overbearing & abusive parent.  Bottom line:  it always happens whether I like it or not!

If I may, this seems like a good point to insert briefly the 7 Stages of Change[6] (SOC) as they apply to any Change you might want to make, and of course I will provide you with references for more on them if you wish (apologies to anyone in the know here.  Feel free to skip this next part):  precontemplation, contemplation, preparation or determination, action, maintenance, termination & relapse/recycle.  In a nutshell, here’s the definition and task of each stage (please keep in mind that these stages aren’t linear; remember – pinball!!)

Precontemplation:  When my behavior is in this stage it means I can’t see it as a problem so I’m unlikely to see a need for change (think the old idea of denial).  Perhaps my family, friends, or employer is seeing a problem in my behavior.  So here the main task is to increase my awareness of the need to change – to help me/someone recognize that the cons of not changing are greater than the pros of change.

Contemplation:  This is the stage of thinking (insert Rodin’s The Thinker).  I see my behavior as being a possible problem but I’m not ready to commit to making a change.  Ambivalence lives here.  Think of this stage as “well, maybe I should make this change but…”

Preparation or Determination:  When my behavior is in preparation, you’ll know because I’m planning out the needed resources, discussing how and maybe even why I want to make this change.  I might even begin to take baby steps toward my healthier self.

Action:  In action, I’ve moved forward and state my intentions to keep on that path toward healthier living.  Any positive change[7] is the key here.

Maintenance:  Since I plan to maintain my change in this stage, I will need to work on recognizing obstacles and other speed bumps to my continued Change path.

Termination:  For the researchers, this stage was noted by the problem behavior being eliminated for at least 6 months.  This stage is often left out of behavioral health programs (including rehabs) however as many don’t believe this stage is reachable.  I believe this concept deserves review, and that “termination” should be viewed personally and individually.  For myself, I do believe my former addictive behaviors with alcohol and other drugs is done, finis, over with, hasta la bye bye.  I have all sorts of other problem behaviors to continue to work on but not those.  Others will likely feel more comfortable with termination being left out of the Spiral of Change.

Recycle/Relapse:  The researchers decided that the term relapse wasn’t good enough as it isn’t accurate for most people making Change.  This is because to relapse means to go back to the beginning, in this case to precontemplation. And while some people will indeed return to precontemplation, most will instead recycle back into one of the other pre-action stages.

 

 

change

Spring appears to have finally come to the Bay area.  While we are all grateful to not have to endure yet another year of horrendous drought, we are equally grateful to get a respite from the torrents of rain that have devastated communities throughout our Golden State recently.  Even as I write this, we are being warned of a touch more showers coming tomorrow, hopefully the last spurts for the wettest April I recall in my 40 years here.  Spring is a natural time to think of change:  flowers blossom; mice mate and dogs give birth; the seasons shift as our little Blue Marble of a planet tilts on its axis once again.  Like the seasons, Change is both predictable and unpredictable at the same time: the only thing we can be sure of is that nothing will remain the same and that Change happens, constantly and without permission.  I can accept that or not but like the moonrise, it will happen everyday in spite of my feelings about it.  So will my Change.  I will continue to change and grow because to do otherwise will be more painful. This I now know for sure.  So, I will make room for the Change in the same way as the philosophical cat Garfield says so brilliantly: “Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks all over it!”  No one said I have to Change gracefully.  And I will wait to cry one more time at Part 2 of the final episode of this Star Trek series season to begin my long winter of wait for the next season to begin.  And the next season, and the next Change, will come gratefully – both for my beloved Star Trek and for all of us, if we can just hang on to each other a bit longer.  Let the adventure continue…

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[1] The 2019 Simulation Theory World Tour (www.muse.mu).  The simulation hypothesis or simulation theory proposes that all of reality, including the Earth and the universe, is in fact an artificial simulation, most likely a computer simulation, leading to the 1990s-influenced stage and costume designs. (Wikipedia, accessed 4.14.19; 2019 personal communication with Muse Creative Designer Jesse Lee Stout).

[2] Please do not interpret my comments here as a negative stance on the Catholic church.  This is merely how I saw things as a teen, quite simplistically.

[3] Andrew Tatarsky, PhD is the author of “Harm Reduction Psychotherapy” (Guilford Press) and the founding Director of The Center for Optimal Living in NYC.  He can be reached at http://centerforoptimalliving.com/.

[4] The Transtheoretical Model (TTM) of Change was developed by the Drs. James Prochaska, Carlo DiClemente and John Norcross.  For more, please see their academic websites:  https://web.uri.edu/psychology/meet/james-prochaska/;   https://psychology.umbc.edu/people/corefaculty/diclemente/; https://www.scranton.edu/faculty/norcross/

[5] See “Changing for Good” by Prochaska, DiClemente & Norcross.

[6] There are a lot of good sources for SOC materials.  Here are a few standouts: https://www.lifehack.org/676832/stages-of-change-model; “Changeology” by John Norcross; “Changing for Good” by Prochaska, DiClemente & Norcross; “Changing to Thrive” by Drs. Prochaska.

[7] Thanks to my friend, the late Dan Bigg, founder of the Chicago Recovery Alliance (CRA) for this simple phrase. For more on CRA, go to https://anypositivechange.org/

 

Introducing “FSDP Presents”: A Podcast Brought to You By Our New Partners at The Social Exchange!

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PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

FSPD is excited to announce our partnership with The Social Exchange, a brainchild of the brilliant Zach Rhoads and Aaron Ferguson.

26233524_10103289292747830_6908264666812993265_oThe Social Exchange interviews the world’s leading intellectuals about a variety of social topics: addiction, social science, philosophy, and many more.  Zach is a masterful interviewer and through their podcasts they offer listeners cutting-edge information about each topic.

What’s refreshing and unique is that there is no rule that the conversations are agreeable or comfortable. However, each conversation is guided by an honest, information-seeking style of dialectic. On The Social Exchange, ideas are challenged, people are respected.

As part of the partnership, FSDP will have the opportunity each month to select an FSDP community member to be interviewed on the podcast on a segment called” FSDP Presents”. We’re proud to have Glen Carner, Licensed Mental Health Counselor  from Hawaii as the inaugural podcast guest. Glen has a paradigm-shifting outpatient addiction counseling program, Family and Addiction Counseling LLC  that uses a collaborative harm reduction approach that coordinates care for his clients with relevant community supports whenever possible. As you’ll hear in the podcast, he blends his expertise with unbounding enthusiasm and a passion to work with individuals and families impacted by substance use.

You can hear the podcast here and learn more about Zach’s work with The Social Exchange on their Patreon page here.

NEXT UP ON “FSDP PRESENTS”: Kenneth Anderson, a pioneer of alcohol harm reduction and Founder of the HAMS Network: Harm Reduction, Abstinence, and Moderation Support.

FSDP Co-founder Carol Katz Beyer Represents the Family Voice at Rutgers University School of Law

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FSDP was privileged to have co-founder Carol Katz Beyer invited to participate on an international panel of experts at the Rutgers University School of Law on October 31, 2018. Randy Thompson, founder of Help Not Handcuffs hosted the discussion on “Drug Decriminalization: The Triumph of Human Rights and Health over the Drug War”45144582_2393306420685983_7391489221489328128_n

Randy Thompson, founder of Help Not Handcuffs, in conjunction with The Open Society Foundations (OSF), The Rutgers Criminal Law Society and the Rutgers Public Interest Law Student Association, coordinated the event featuring Dr.João Goulão, the Portuguese Drug Czar, Kasia Malinowska, Director of the Global Drug Policy Program at OSF, Tess Borden, Staff Attorney for the ACLU-NJ and Carol Katz Beyer of FSDP as speakers.

What was detailed was nothing short of amazing! Portugal, which decriminalized all drugs has almost non-existent overdose deaths. In Portugal, harm reduction is so well developed that it is significantly reduced overdose deaths and the spread of HIV/AIDS and HepC; and they provide superior treatment on demand for those who want it, at less than 1/10th of the cost to taxpayers compared to the New Jersey system

Kasia engaged Dr. Goulão in a conversation and he brilliantly articulated the history of how the Portugal model came to be. He illustrated that change is possible when the goal is to elevate society through the lens of public health with strategies and solutions rooted in compassion and science.

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Panel, from left: Dr. João Goulão, Kasia Malinowska, Tess Borden, Carol Katz Beyer

Tess detailed the egregious human rights violations that the US policies of prohibition and criminalization are inflicting on families.

Carol eloquently elucidated the issues and harms that our families needlessly suffer as a consequence of the war on drugs as well as recommended public health solutions. Carol said, “I cannot express enough how privileged I felt to be present in the company of Dr. João Goulão who articulated so poignantly what transformative solutions in drug policy reform look like”.

Immense appreciation and thanks go to Randy, who did a tremendous job organizing this important event and skillfully moderating. There was a robust Q and A afterwards as audience members representing Rutgers law students, healthcare professionals, and community members.

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Host/Moderator Help Not Handcuffs founder Randy Thompson

I cannot express enough how privileged I felt to be present in the company of Dr. João Goulão who articulated so poignantly what transformative solutions in drug policy reform look like–FSDP co-founder Carol Katz Beyer.

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Attendees included FSDP co-founder Barry Lessin and FSDP members Anne Earle and Lisa Raphael

Because of your ongoing support, we are bringing our communities together, empowering families, restoring health and saving lives!

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PLEASE SUPPORT OUR FAMILIES!

FSDP at The 12th National Harm Reduction Conference in New Orleans, LA

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Thanks to the generosity and support of our friends and stakeholders Team FSDP attended the 12th National Harm Reduction Conference #harmred18 in New Orleans, LA, October 18-21, representing a growing number of families who are adversely impacted by the unprecedented public health crisis surrounding substance use.

This biennial event brought together some of the most creative minds from the US and abroad to address a myriad of complex issues facing the harm reduction movement. A diverse community of people who use drugs, social justice activists, service providers, healthcare workers, researchers, policymakers, public health officials, and law enforcement gathering together determined to put an end to the harms and injustices caused by the War on Drugs.

FSDP is dedicated to serving the needs of our families and our participation in this conference is a heartfelt expression to honor our loved ones who have been lost to overdose and to save the lives of those who remain at risk.

 

FSDP co-founders Carol Katz Beyer and Barry Lessin were privileged to be invited to join harm reduction pioneer and visionary Patt Denning, Ph.D. on her panel: “Loving Someone Who Loves Drugs and Alcohol.”

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Patt outlined specific strategies for family members and friends based on guiding principles of harm reduction including “there are no rules except the ones you make”, “establish your absolute limits”, affirm your values, “identify what’s most important for you” and “tough love is neither, and it feels bad to all”.

The packed meeting room was inspired by Carol sharing how her lived experience inspired her to advocate for impacted families by creating a space to powerfully speak the truth to the powers that be in the broken treatment-industrial complex.

Barry gave an overview of the work of FSDP and shared how family and friends can become empowered by being open to reality-based harm reduction information and sharing it with peers, planting seeds of hope in their communities.

Our dedicated team was on hand to welcome attendees at our exhibit table continuing the conversation, networking and providing conference attendees with educational materials, tutorials and resources.

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Thank you Juan Fernandez Ochoa for sending us the Support Don’t Punish t-shirts. They were a big hit!

The 2018 Harm Reduction Conference comes at a time when harm reduction, health care, and drug policy reform have entered a dynamic and critical phase. The prescription opioid and heroin overdose epidemic has captured national attention, with renewed focus on transmission of HIV and Hep C among people who use drugs. These trends are reshaping the policy and public health landscapes, making harm reduction more urgent and relevant than ever before.

Because of your ongoing support, we are bringing our communities together, empowering families, restoring health and saving lives!HandDonate

Welcome Family Drug Support USA This Giving Tuesday!


GT Tony
GivingTuesday is a global day of giving fueled by the power of social media and collaboration.

Celebrated on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, (November 27 in the U.S.) and the widely recognized shopping events Black Friday and Cyber Monday,

FSDP is excited to announce that starting at 5am PST on November 27, Facebook and PayPal will contribute a total of $7M to partner with our stakeholders and match any donation to your designated nonprofit of choice! Giving Tuesday is a not to be missed opportunity to help us support more families by bringing Family Drug Support USA to communities across the nation. Our Facebook friends can also have their gifts matched by using the fundraising for nonprofits option on Facebook for which includes birthday fundraisers and the donate button feature

As a mother, Carol Katz Beyer, who has been personally impacted by the devastating loss of her two children Bryan and Alex, was inspired to co-found Families for Sensible Drug Policy with Barry Lessin to regain control of our families’ health by collaborating with our stakeholders to implement a new paradigm of care and support based on compassion, science, public health and human rights.

Please read this heartfelt message from Tony Trimingham to learn more about Family Drug Support:


“When someone dies as a result of illicit drugs, it is estimated that on average they lose 35 years of their lives (compared to 5 years for nicotine and 15 years for alcohol). Not only does this rob the person of a chunk of their life, it has a massive impact on their family. When my 23-year-old son died from a heroin overdose, not only did I experience profound grief and shock, there was excruciating pain and a massive impact on me, and all my family. If I could get to sleep (which was rare) I would dream of him being alive, then I would wake up to the nightmare. I found myself breaking down on an almost daily basis, and simple everyday tasks became difficult.

 My wife and friends who were suffering their own grief had to cope with my not coping. I would hear his voice in public places and thought I saw him walking along the street. For the first 6 years after he died this level of pain continued and it took a long time before I was able to smile again and enjoy the normal things in life. It is now 21 years and while the pain has subsided and is not as acute, there isn’t a day go by where I don’t feel sad, and miss my son. I have missed out on conversation with him, possible grandchildren, and seeing him progress through life. I have had similar conversation and reflections with hundreds of other families who have lost people, and suffer the same anguish. For this reason, Family Drug Support believes that keeping people alive and safe is the first priority when it comes to dealing with problematic drug use.

In my work with Family Drug Support, I have spoken to more bereaved families in the last six months than I have in the last six years. This is because of the increase in the use of legal opiates, and also because street heroin is back on the radar. The truly sad fact is that these deaths, along with those at music festivals from taking pills, are completely preventable.”

Family Drug Support Training is an opportunity to work directly with Tony Trimingham in an experiential workshop learning specific skills using harm reduction principles and the psychological approach of motivational interviewing to deliver support to those in need. People that successfully complete the training will be able to bring this peer to peer support to their communities.

Please click here for more information about Family Drug Support USA

Meet Tony Trimingham in this video describing the workshop.

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Our families desperately need your help and we urge you to join us as part of a long term solution that will keep our loved ones safe, connected and plugged in to the services that will keep them alive. A watershed moment reflecting our nation’s most significant public health disaster, requires that we as a nation embrace a multi-tiered and realistic approach towards prevention, education and access to healthcare services.

Your donation no matter how big or small helps save lives by forwarding our mission to deliver the message of harm reduction to communities around the world. Please help us reduce overdoses and empower families by educating and advocating for progressive solutions for family support based on science, compassion, public health and human rights.HandDonate

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Thanks so much being a valued friend to our community. Your generosity and support is  really appreciated and will help make our family voice be heard.

FSDP Testifies at the New York State Assembly Committee on Alcoholism And Drug Abuse

Thanks to our friends at VOCAL-NYFSDP was honored to be asked by New York State Assemblyperson Linda B. Rosenthal’s office to submit testimony to the NY State Assembly Standing Committee On Alcoholism And Drug Abuse on the adequacy of funding for prevention, treatment, and recovery services in New York State.
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Carol Katz Beyer and I had an opportunity to represent the voice of the family to share the family perspective acknowledging that on how to use funds to better ensure that life-saving harm reduction strategies and tools will get into the hands of families before problems develop and therefore be able to prevent many overdoses:

 

“The staggering number of people who are relapsing and dying is unacceptable despite having proven strategies to reduce mortality and improve care.  New York State has made it a priority to emphasize the need to address substance use disorder as a public health issue but we now must take the next steps to shift funding streams to enable universal access to proven life-saving public health tools such as medication-assisted treatment, naloxone, and harm reduction services.”

The full testimony can be found here.