Holy Holidays, Batman!…Or Ten Ways to Get Through the Holidays

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Welcome to our Holiday Special Blog, the December 2018 edition of Family Matters – Families Matter, our new blog authored and curated by FSDP’s Guest Blogger–pioneering harm reduction therapist, educator, advocate and author Dee-Dee Stout.

This month, Dee Dee, in her own inimitable style, shares some essential tips to navigate the holiday season in empowering ways…

To join our growing community of enlightened friends and advocates sign up here now.

Hello all! Here we are at the end of 2018 – and of my blogs for this year! Thank you all for your support and your readership! I have truly appreciated all the comments and shares over these past few months. And I’ve discovered just how much I love to do research on these topics!

In the past five months we’ve talked about the dangers and origins of Tough Love; recovering the word “recovery;” and Harm Reduction strategies for families. I know I promised 12 “Ways to Get Through the Holidays” but you know, I found myself doing only 10, perfect for counting on both hands! I hope you won’t be too disappointed. Most importantly, remember our 2018 take away for all families and their loved ones through this sometimes treacherous time:

It really is all about the love – and love is never tough!

love tree

So, who knows what the new year will bring. I know I’m eager to see 2019 and I haven’t felt that way in a long time. For the New Year, what ideas and suggestions do you have for new topics and conversations? Please write to me at deedeestoutconsulting@gmail.com and let me know. See you all next year!

Holy Holidays, Batman!

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Xmas trees

Holidays. I love them and hate them.

And regardless of which camp you fall into – or perhaps you’re in the “in between” camp – the winter holidays can be a challenge to navigate, especially when there’s added drug use (yes, I mean that tasty eggnog or rum punch too) by many involved. As I sit here with all my research and ideas in front of me, it occurs to me that I can’t think of anything to add to an incredible list of “do’s and don’ts” already available all over the internet and social media.

But that said, perhaps it’s worth revisiting some ideas with a “reduction-of-harm-to-all” bent – and so here goes (OK to sing your fave holiday tune along to these 10 tips, too. Ho ho ho!).

1. Eat light

One of the best tips we can use is to save those heavy conversations for another time. Sure, there will be exceptions to this, but the holidays are already such a heavy meal in so many ways that experts suggest benching the Big Convos until after things have settled down, including our stomachs. So what’s one thing we can do to lighten the mood?

Perhaps we can simply focus on the positives this season and save the less positives for later. That’s a tip for all seasons according to CMC’s 20 Minute Guides for Parents & Partners. What do we mean by this? Think of finding positive things – called “reinforcers” – to say to your loved ones – family, friends, and those using drugs problematically. And here’s why: “The value in reinforcing positive behavior…is that it can start to compete with the reinforcing effects of drugs and alcohol. In essence, your [loved one] can learn to “feel good” in other ways rather than using drugs/alcohol.”[1]

John Gottman, the famous couples therapist, has stated that we need a “magic ratio” of 5 positive statements for every 1 that we make to someone. Dr. Gottman and his team successfully predicted divorce with 94% accuracy in 700 couples 10 years after scoring their negative-to-positive responses in one 15-minute conversation.[2] That’s pretty darned “magic” indeed. We see similar results in workplace conversations as well. So lighten up on the negatives and accentuate the positive statements this holiday season. You might see a greater gift than you ever expected

2. Hang out in the bathroom

This is something I suggest to those trying to reduce or eliminate their drug use as a place to be alone and use a quick meditation. (side note:  I realize that for some this can also be a triggering place for both families and their loved ones using drugs so like all good suggestions, please use your discretion as to whether any of these are right for you). But this is also a terrific exercise for anyone to use for a quick fix. This exercise is known as “The Ball and Triangle.”[3] I learned it from the developer, Terry Gorski, back in the 90’s. And it can be done anywhere, with your eyes open or closed. Here it is:

To start, take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, like a big sigh. Now imagine there’s an equal-sided triangle floating in space in front of you. In one corner of the triangle there’s a small ball, just sitting. On your next inhale, move the ball up the side of the triangle. On your exhale, allow the ball to fall back into its original place. Do this until you feel as relaxed as you desire.

There are many ways to get creative with this brief meditation too so feel free to experiment; make it your own.

3. Just like real estate: it’s all about location, location, location

One thing that I hear from families and their loved ones is that the location of the festivities is important. Some places encourage nostalgia though may also bring up tension. It may be helpful to discuss the location of events with the whole family. See how everyone feels. I have found with my own family that eating out at a local restaurant can be wonderful: a) everyone’s food intolerances can be honored; b) most folks will be on their best behavior when in public and finally c) no one has to do the dishes! Perhaps grandma’s or dad’s special chocolate pecan pie at Aunt Cristina’s house can be an alternative.

4. BYOB: Bring your own bottles

Even if you’re not the one with the drinking/other drug problem, it might be a good idea to limit your intake. The very best way to do this is to first, bring your own fave beverage. I’m a big fan of Pellegrino so typically carry a couple of bottles with me (I even bring a baggie of lime slices). That way I know what will be served. If you’re moderating your drinking especially, it’s really important not to get dehydrated which is easy to do in a heated room with booze. So experts suggest drinking water between alcoholic beverages. Again, an easy way to reduce your intake – and possible help stave off a nasty hangover too. Be sure to eat something as drinking on an empty stomach is never advised. Also food will help to absorb some of the alcohol which will keep your overall blood alcohol levels down. Finally since alcohol is known as a “social lubricant” for good reason, you might consider who you’d like to be in charge of your emotional state during this event (see # on Lizard Brain). But if you want to indulge more than usual, remember the previous tips and to call Lyft this holiday season. It’s so easy not to drive while intoxicated now – and expensive to get caught.

pup and mistletoe

5. Find support where you can

Hug your pet. See old friends. Go to a meeting at a support group, or a service at your local synagogue, church, temple, or mosque. Volunteer and make new friends. Lots of ways today to stay in touch with others even if only through social media. Visit someone in a nursing home or senior housing. Take a plate of cookies to a neighbor you’ve never met because you’re working all the time (no, they don’t have to be homemade).

6. Like a good photograph, mind your exposure.

If you’re spending time with those that irritate you, do so gently. It’s OK to limit the time you’re with those you love. This is your holiday, too.

7. Rest when you can

For many of us, the holidays are an expenditure of more energy. Sometimes more than we can muster! So resting and sleeping well are crucial to having the outcomes we want. You can think of rest as our body’s need to regenerate its resources to allow us to think before we eat, act, or wind up somewhere we didn’t want to go. I’ve learned that I can’t engage my mind when it’s running on empty, which leaves me with Lizard Brain[4] in control. Now I’m OK with old Lizard Brain having some fun once in a while but not all the time and especially not when I’m going to be in an emotionally challenging situation

8. Cravings aren’t just for drug users

Yes, you heard me right! I like to think of cravings as the body’s way to say “Holy crap, Batman, I need something – help!” The difference for families is that there aren’t any medications for your cravings (and yes I know there aren’t meds for all chemical cravings too but let’s ignore that for now). You may have physical or emotional cravings for all sorts of things from food to the latest mystery to taking a ski weekend in Banff. Whatever it is, it’s just possible that your body/mind is trying to tell you something. We want to learn from our emotions and not be afraid of them or ignore them. We all know the holidays are overfilled with stress so perhaps we can take a page from relapse prevention for drug users and learn to “urge surf”. Here’s how to do it[5]. And you can keep your eyes open or closed them as you find most comfortable:

First, think of something in your real life that’s challenging for you, something that actually triggers some strong emotions (be gentle with yourself here though. Nothing too tender please!). As you think about this challenging behavior or event, imagine that you’re NOT reacting in the moment with that usual strong emotion (you’ll be responding to the situation soon). As you’re thinking about this event, be mindful of where you’re sitting: how does it feel? Are you comfortable? Plant your feet gently and firmly on the floor if you’re sitting. Let your breath gently come in and out of your nose and notice the rising and falling of your chest/lungs. Now once again, think about the triggering circumstance. Really see yourself there at the moment and bring yourself right up to the moment that you’d typically lose your temper, or be overcome with sadness, or even use a drug/take a drink. Here we might think it’s a good idea to push away these strong emotions or swing the opposite way and give in to the emotion/behavior. Instead, I’m going to ask you to just be curious about this emotion and event without reaction. Ask yourself these questions: 1) what does the feeling really “feel” like? Where is it located in your body? 2) what about this situation/feeling feels intolerable? Can you stay with it and relax into it rather than get overwhelmed by the situation/feeling? 3) what is it you really need right now?

Finally, imagine that the feeling your experiencing is a wave on an ocean. You’re riding this wave like a surfer, using your breath as your surfboard. All you need to do right now is focus on your breath going in and out of your lungs and imagine that surfboard riding the waves like Bethany Hamilton! You’re able to keep your balance in spite of feeling a little frightened. Up and down, in and out, you’re riding your board; you’re not allowing the wave to push you off. This is “urge surfing”.

When you begin to feel relaxed and able to respond instead of reacting to a situation or feeling, you can let the board bring you home. Notice how you were able to ride the wave and not succumb to its power but rather allow it to be what it is: just a wave…and it will end. When you’re ready, come on back to the room while you let go of the triggering situation you were thinking of. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and know that you’ve got this! Bethany would be proud!free hugs

 

9. Ho, ho, ho!

I always encourage humor and lots of laughter during the winter holidays (actually I encourage it all the time!). Laugh till your face hurts. Be silly as often as possible. I read a piece recently on a family holding an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” contest with the winner getting a gift card to a favorite store. Wonderful idea! We humans are a pretty funny lot all in all and this is the perfect time of year to embrace that.

Movies are another great way to bring laughter into a room and there are some terrific old and newer holiday films that will make you pee your pants (in my family, it’s “A Christmas Story” hands down!).   Anything from “The Grinch” and “Charlie Brown Christmas” to “Bad Santa” and “Die Hard” are considered holiday fair game. Or perhaps you’re the sentimental type and look forward to watching your favorite heart-wrenching, tear-jerker each holiday. No problem! Those films are available as well (anyone for “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “White Christmas?”). Just be sure to temper those tears with some belly laughs

10 The holidays are a trip!

And they are literally for many of us! Traveling these days can be a trial-by-fire experience. Some quick tips: 1) Only use a carry-on bag 2) Bring something to read/watch/play and 3) slow down on imbibing early (planes really suck the moisture out of every part of us and alcohol makes it worse). For more excellent tips on everything “travel” this holiday season, check out Cheap Flights Survival Guide: www.cheapflights.com/news/holiday-season-travel-survival-guide

Bottom line for the season: Do your best, let go of the guilt/shame, and have as much fun as possible. That sounds like a pretty good recipe for 2019 to me, too. In fact, I think I’ve just found my 2019 New Year’s resolution. How about you?

chinese lanterns

[1] The Parent’s 20 Minute Guide by CMC: Center for Motivation & Change. (2016) Center for Motivation & Change. NY, NY. p93.

[2] https://www.ocde.us/PBIS/Documents/Articles/Positive+$!26+Negative+Ratio.pdf. Accessed 12.18.2018.

[3] https://terrygorski.com/2014/05/08/magic-triangle-relaxation-method/. Note: the Ball and Triangle exercise is now called the Magic Triangle Relaxation Method. Accessed 12.18.2018.

[4] The limbic system aka Lizard Brain is the seat of our emotions and the oldest known part of our brains.

[5] Bowen, S, Chawla, N. & Marlatt, G. (2011) Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention for Addictive Behaviors: A Clinician’s Guide. Guilford Press. NY, NY.

Welcome Family Drug Support USA This Giving Tuesday!


GT Tony
GivingTuesday is a global day of giving fueled by the power of social media and collaboration.

Celebrated on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, (November 27 in the U.S.) and the widely recognized shopping events Black Friday and Cyber Monday,

FSDP is excited to announce that starting at 5am PST on November 27, Facebook and PayPal will contribute a total of $7M to partner with our stakeholders and match any donation to your designated nonprofit of choice! Giving Tuesday is a not to be missed opportunity to help us support more families by bringing Family Drug Support USA to communities across the nation. Our Facebook friends can also have their gifts matched by using the fundraising for nonprofits option on Facebook for which includes birthday fundraisers and the donate button feature

As a mother, Carol Katz Beyer, who has been personally impacted by the devastating loss of her two children Bryan and Alex, was inspired to co-found Families for Sensible Drug Policy with Barry Lessin to regain control of our families’ health by collaborating with our stakeholders to implement a new paradigm of care and support based on compassion, science, public health and human rights.

Please read this heartfelt message from Tony Trimingham to learn more about Family Drug Support:


“When someone dies as a result of illicit drugs, it is estimated that on average they lose 35 years of their lives (compared to 5 years for nicotine and 15 years for alcohol). Not only does this rob the person of a chunk of their life, it has a massive impact on their family. When my 23-year-old son died from a heroin overdose, not only did I experience profound grief and shock, there was excruciating pain and a massive impact on me, and all my family. If I could get to sleep (which was rare) I would dream of him being alive, then I would wake up to the nightmare. I found myself breaking down on an almost daily basis, and simple everyday tasks became difficult.

 My wife and friends who were suffering their own grief had to cope with my not coping. I would hear his voice in public places and thought I saw him walking along the street. For the first 6 years after he died this level of pain continued and it took a long time before I was able to smile again and enjoy the normal things in life. It is now 21 years and while the pain has subsided and is not as acute, there isn’t a day go by where I don’t feel sad, and miss my son. I have missed out on conversation with him, possible grandchildren, and seeing him progress through life. I have had similar conversation and reflections with hundreds of other families who have lost people, and suffer the same anguish. For this reason, Family Drug Support believes that keeping people alive and safe is the first priority when it comes to dealing with problematic drug use.

In my work with Family Drug Support, I have spoken to more bereaved families in the last six months than I have in the last six years. This is because of the increase in the use of legal opiates, and also because street heroin is back on the radar. The truly sad fact is that these deaths, along with those at music festivals from taking pills, are completely preventable.”

Family Drug Support Training is an opportunity to work directly with Tony Trimingham in an experiential workshop learning specific skills using harm reduction principles and the psychological approach of motivational interviewing to deliver support to those in need. People that successfully complete the training will be able to bring this peer to peer support to their communities.

Please click here for more information about Family Drug Support USA

Meet Tony Trimingham in this video describing the workshop.

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Our families desperately need your help and we urge you to join us as part of a long term solution that will keep our loved ones safe, connected and plugged in to the services that will keep them alive. A watershed moment reflecting our nation’s most significant public health disaster, requires that we as a nation embrace a multi-tiered and realistic approach towards prevention, education and access to healthcare services.

Your donation no matter how big or small helps save lives by forwarding our mission to deliver the message of harm reduction to communities around the world. Please help us reduce overdoses and empower families by educating and advocating for progressive solutions for family support based on science, compassion, public health and human rights.HandDonate

Donate Now!

Sign up HERE to receive our newsletter stay informed on the latest news and events.

Thanks so much being a valued friend to our community. Your generosity and support is  really appreciated and will help make our family voice be heard.

Representing the Voice of the Family at the 2017 International Harm Reduction Conference #HR17

C_DNaZxXgAAUhpMRepresenting our family voices in the global harm reduction community, FSDP Co-Founder Barry Lessin and I enthusiastically attended the 2017 International Harm Reduction Conference #HR17 in Montreal, Canada, May 14-17, 2017.

The theme of this year’s conference was ‘At the Heart of the Response’ and addressed “innovative harm reduction services, new or groundbreaking research, effective or successful advocacy campaigns and key policy discussions or debates. With delegates from more than 70 countries the programme not only reflects the truly global nature of our movement but also addresses key international issues”

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We had the opportunity to meet with our global partners Australian Family Drug Support (FDS) powerhouse Tony Trimingham (right) and Shaun Shelly (below) to identify the issues that are unique to families and bringing the family voice into our home communities. The inspirational and motivational moments were continued with a dynamic and thought provoking celebration of family empowerment that culminated in New York City May 20-21, 2017 with an extraordinary weekend filled with enlightenment and hope. Barry and I are energized and privileged to bring the FDS model of family support to our cherished friends here in the United States. We remain humbled and honored to serve our growing network of families who are asking for non judgmental alternatives to support optimal health and well being for their loved ones impacted by substance use while managing their own needs and self care in the process.

FSDP AC_9Zk_UUwAAB1qWdvisory Board member Shaun Shelly (whom we got to meet in person for the first time!) explaining the challenges and successes in his groundbreaking work in harm reduction service delivery to his native South Africa.

One of the highlights of #HR17 for many of the attendees was the dynamic presentation given by Andrew Tatarsky (right) on “The Scientific Revolution of Addiction Treatment”, exploring how his model os Integrative Harm Reduction Psychotherapy 18558570_1716762775007021_2210259828598535816_o(IHRP) can enhance harm reduction services and make addiction/substance misuse treatment relevant to the majority of problematic drug users who have been turned off or hurt by traditional abstinence-only treatment.

18527769_1714581398558492_4107739766811187219_nPausing to honor the dedication and commitment of our global partners, appreciating the connection and spirit of compassion shared among cherished friends like Zeeshan Ayyaz Shani, who sadly could not attend because of visa related obstacles. Paying tribute to his courageous advocacy and extraordinary efforts on behalf of drug users in Pakistan through his exemplary work with Middle East and North Africa Harm Reduction Association (MENAHRA).

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Barry and Tony discussed the new collaboration of Tony’s Family Drug Support model of family support and FDSP’s commitment to bring strategies and solutions into the homes of our families!. Below, Tony joins me, Deborah Peterson Small, who spoke at a morning plenary on the global priorities of drug policy, and Ernie Drucker, valued mentor to FSDP and author of “A Plague of Prisons”. 
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Stay tuned for more about FSDP’s next steps in our collaboration with Tony’s Family Drug Support to empower families, restore health and save lives…

FSDP at the 2017 International Harm Reduction Conference

Representing the voice of family in the global harm reduction community, FSDP is enthusiastically looking forward to attending the 2017 International Harm Reduction Conference #HR17, May 14-17, 2017 in Montreal, Canada.

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The theme of this year’s conference will be  ‘At the Heart of the Response’ and will address “innovative harm reduction services, new or groundbreaking research, effective or successful advocacy campaigns and key policy discussions or bates. With delegates from more than 70 countries the programme not only reflects the truly global nature of our movement but also addresses key international issues”

The conference will also afford us the opportunity to see old friends, meet new ones, and and forge new relationships to bring more life-saving strategies and approaches to our families.

Check out our blog for our report from the conference!  

Special Evening for Families with Dr. Robert Meyers, Developer of CRAFT

FSDP’s latest collaboration with Dr. Bob Meyers, the developer of Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT), and Andrew Tatarsky and his Center for Optimal Living will give attendees a unique opportunity to meet Drs. Meyers and Tatarsky, hear an overview of the CRAFT treatment model and be part of a Q & A to follow.

FAMILY CRAFT

This special evening will be hosted by FSDP Cofounders Carol Katz Beyer and Barry Lessin.

WHEN AND WHERE:

Friday March 10, 2017, 6:30- 8pm.

The Center for Optimal Living, 370 Lexington Ave, Suite 500, NYC 10017

Tickets are still available but space is LIMITED, so SIGN-UP NOW!

For additional information, please email barry@fsdp.org.

CRAFT fosters a different journey toward treatment and recovery for families. It is love-based and empowers families to stay TOGETHER rather than “detaching” or using harsh, punishing methods with loved ones.

Supported by 20 years of peer-reviewed research, CRAFT is a comprehensive behavioral program that teaches families to optimize their impact while avoiding confrontation or detachment. Most programs developed to promote or encourage positive lifestyle changes are not always built upon the level of long-term research and analysis that supports CRAFT as a successful model for engaging substance users toward treatment.

CRAFT methods are evidence-based and provide families with a hopeful, positive, and more effective alternative to addressing substance problems than other intervention programs. CRAFT works to change the loved one’s environment to make a non-substance using lifestyle more rewarding than one focused on using alcohol or other drugs. In the CRAFT model, concerned significant others (CSOs) are the focus of the therapy instead of the substance abuser. Randomized clinical trials have shown CRAFT 3 to 5 time better at engaging resistant substance users than Alanon or the Johnson Institute style.

For more information on CRAFT, click HERE:

WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU THERE!

FSDP Introduces International Family Drug Support Day to the US

FSDP extended our global presence by standing in solidarity with our friends and advocates around the world to partner with Australia’s Family Drug Support to introduce the inaugural International Family Drug Support Day (IFSDS) to the US on February 24, 2017!

This year’s theme was  #SeeThePersonNotTheDrug

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Our loved ones are brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers and grandparents, employees, students, athletes, musicians, who also happen to use substances. The reality for many families is that there are limited programs and services available and many policies adversely affect families, all too often under a cloud of stigma and shame.

FSDP community members held events in the Eastern and Southern US as well as in Bawahlpur Pakistan. Event venues and locations were very diverse, hosted and attended by families, drug users present and past, healthcare professionals, students, and treatment centers in FSDP members local communities.

The message focused on the need to view substance use through a human rights and public health lens, rather than as a criminal justice issue, demanding informed and innovative policies and programs that reduce the likelihood of harm for our loved ones. and  access the same best practices as experienced in every other medical and mental health condition.

IFDSD will be held on  on February 24 every year coinciding with the anniversary of the passing of Damien Trimingham, the son of Family Drug Support founder Tony Trimingham’s , founder, from a drug-related overdose. IFDSD will be an annual event to highlight the need for families impacted by substance us to not only be recognized and heard but to be supported and encouraged to speak about their concerns and their needs.

 

A Treatment and Support Guide for the Rest of Us

Good Treatment is Hard to Find

I spent a decade using heroin and about nine years trying to stop. It’s not that I didn’t want to quit–I didn’t know where to turn. In my Internet research and through word-of-mouth, I either came up empty or ran into a lot of myths and misinformation. Stigma created an additional barrier to me getting the help I wanted.

In recent years we’ve learned much more about addiction and effective treatments, but significant barriers remain. While the county I live in has one of the highest overdose rates in the state, there are no opioid treatment providers. This is a common problem in rural, and even some urban and suburban, areas.

With that in mind, here’s a comprehensive (though not overwhelming) list of treatment and support options which are either evidence-based or use evidence-based tools, followed by links to harm reduction resources. Harm reduction organizations provide education, treatment referrals, naloxone overdose rescue kits, syringe exchange programs, access to contraception, HIV and hepatitis C testing, and other vital services which might otherwise remain unmet.

Everyone is different and there are many pathways to recovery. Guides like this will grant broader access to recovery resources for people who want to stop harmful substance use, without having to navigate through a series of ads and promotional materials, and provide access to life-saving tools for active substance users and people with mental health disorders.

Jeremy G


Find Treatment:

Self Empowering Addiction Treatment Association Provider Directory
SAMHSA Methadone Treatment Locator
SAMHSA Buprenorphine (Suboxone) Physician Locator
SAMHSA Comprehensive Treatment Locator
Comprehensive Directory of Methadone Treatment Providers (US & Canada)
Moderation Management for Alcohol

Support Groups:

Self-Management and Recovery Training: SMART Recovery, offers structured in-person and 24×7 online meetings)
LifeRing Secular Recovery
SOS Sobriety (Secular Sobriety)
Women for Sobriety
Harm Reduction for Alcohol (HAMS) Support Group
Mental Health Peer-Support Resources
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Support Directory

Resources for Parents:

Drug Policy Alliance’s Safety First Program
Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training: CRAFT (for Parents and Families)
SMART for Family and Friends Online Resources
Families for Sensible Drug Policy: FSDP

Harm Reduction Resources:

What is Harm Reduction? from Harm Reduction International and Drug Policy Alliance
Harm Reduction Publications from Harm Reduction Coalition
Connect Locally to Harm Reduction Organizations in Your Area
International Network for People Who Use Drugs: INPUD

Originally posted at: Making Noise in the South


Useful Videos:

Stanton Peele: What is Harm Reduction

Tom Horvath, founder of Practical Recovery and SMART Recovery, on Self Empowering Addiction Treatment

“Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong” from Kurzgesagt (based on the work of Johann Hari)

Intro to CRAFT (Community Reinforcement Approach and Family Training): CRAFT vs Alternatives